The Sims Changed My Life!

By Catherine Rubino

I was a loser without a job. Then someone gave me The Sims for Christmas. Since I had no job, it was easy to spend all night playing until the wee hours of dawn. Palying the Sims changed my life! I learned that it didn't matter what my job was. All I had to do was go. You take any job in the paper and ZOOM go off in the junker car that doesn't have any insurance. SOON SOON!!! (Nobody cares about auto insurance in the Sim world, and we shouldn't either!)

When you get home you have your friends over. You can dance and socialize, even play the piano and order pizza! There's always a bit of money to fix up the house and that's the most fun part. Time stops as you glaze over listening to the piped in sales music and select furniture and appliances--just like in real life! Shopping doesn't even cause any stress since the numbers just change on the screen. The next day at work you get more numbers! Easy money! (Granted, the clock doesn't seem to spin so fast when you're at your real, dull day job...)

What's also excellent about the Sims? There's no career fullfilment! No one cares. There's no pressure at all. Nobody cares what anybody's job is. It's more exciting to hang out with friends at the pool for a swim party. The more money you make the more you have to buy cool stuff like a pinball machine or virtual reality headset.

That's what I learned from The Sims. And the best thing about it is there's always a way out. Like when my sim Mike Elder lost his daredevil wife and maximum peg active daughter in a house fire (we didn't have a fire alarm or a phone to call for help) and was so depressed crying over the two urns that he lost his job, had his bed and toilet reposessed and wet his pants standing by the bush, there was always that ever present option of bulldozing it all and starting all over. After he ran out of his last bag of chips, I did bulldoze it.

And so there it is in real life. When you run out of your last bag of chips and can't even seem to pee in the bushes anymore, you can always get a do-over. You can get a loan to go to college or you can start a simple business or you can join the Church (They're looking for people these days). There's always a "bulldozer" nearby to help you start the game all over.

The most important thing to remember is it's just a game. You might as well have fun while playing. Good, clean fun. Like pizza and a game of pinball!

A rockin'!

 The narrator in this article is by no means related to any real or live person. This is merely a parody of a situation and should be read as such.

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