by Mensch Freborg

April 2001


Former President Bill Clinton received a special honor last Friday when he was made honorary Grand Pooh-Bah of the local Gnaddenhutten, Ohio lodge of the Loyal Order of Fez. Pictured here receiving the official lodge scepter, a 2ft. long gilded Gnaddenhutten gerken (cucumber for those who don't know Ohio Amish lingo), the former President remarked "I'd like to thank y'all for this nifty hat and long, gilded thing-a-ma-jig. I this is one of my proudest moments -- now where's my $100,000 honoraria and bring on the dancing girls."

Gnaddenhutten, a small town in NE Ohio famous for its tallow works and cottage flatware industries, as been struggling in recent years to achieve its due status as one of Ohio's top tourist Meccas. Town elders hope that with the addition of the W. J. Clinton Party Center at the local lodge, as well as the appearance of former First Lady Hillary Rodman Clinton as the town's Flatware Queen in this summer's Flatware and Tallow Festival, Gnaddenhutten can rival other top Ohio tourist destinations such as Stuebenville, Lorain, and South Euclid. Says Gnaddenhutten Mayor Amos Schumaker-Miller, "When people think of Gnaddenhutten, we want them to think tallow, turbans, the Clintons, and flatware."

Sen. Hillary Clinton, Gnaddenhutten Ohio's 2001 Flatware and Tallow Queen, shows off her official royal robe in preparation for this summer's festivities.

Mensch Freborg is a metalurgist, scientist and occasional contributor to TheSnooze. His commentaries range from factual articles about the History of Germans in Science and the Arts to heated opinionated debates. He also plays the zither.

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