Bible found in Cave

by Catherine Rubino

The New and Improved Testament

...third part of Trilogy

Religious scholars from across the world have flown to Switzerland to read the "New and Improved Testament, Platinum Edition" found during a drop, raid and search mission by US Commandoes in one of the caves in Afghanistan. Dicovered earlier this year was the fact that the Old Testament and New Testament are actually part of a Trilogy. The third book dates back to 100BC. Apparently before the Old Testament and New Testament were found (having been written by scholars back then and then thrown into a cave in Jerusalem to be found hundreds of years later) the caves had been raided by Pharohs who traveled the deserts, stole the latest version of the Bible and hid it for themsleves in an Afghan Cave.

"This is a much better Bible," says Helmut Ghanigun PhD Religious Studies, U of Chicago. "For one nothing's in that weird language they liked to speak. It seems proverbs had gone out of style. The writers had upgraded their storytelling to facts only, with no mystery or overly dramatic text. Also, you don't see any miracles, everything happens because of hard work. For example, in the section where Jesus turned water into wine, this version says Jesus wanted wine so he and his friends went grape picking. Once they had a bushel, they pressed them, saved the liquid in bottles and stored the bottles in a dark, cold place for a couple of years. In this book, they celebrated with wine three years later, Vintage -5AD. The label was made out of papyrus and the ink was lingonberry."

This new discovery leads critics to believe there may be more trilogies in other parts of the world just waiting to be discovered.

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